Lately I’ve seen a lot of people post about what their word of 2018 will be and I’ve been very intrigued by this idea. Best I can tell instead of having New Year’s resolutions the idea is to pick a word that will be the focus of your year and you know what, I like it!
On one hand the new year is just a date on the calendar – we don’t magically become better when the clock strikes 12 on midnight nor do the problems of the prior year melt away but for many, myself included, there’s much excitement around the new year as it symbolizes a chance for new beginnings. If I look back on the previous few years and had to assign a word or feeling to them it would be excitement but also stress. 2015 was the year we got engaged and started planning our wedding, 2016 is the year we got married, and I crazily started a new job one month before the big day, 2017 was the year we bought a house – whew, it’s been a lot of change and a lot of excitement over the past few years. And when I first started thinking about 2018 I thought well 2018 is going to be the year not a damn thing happens, and I wasn’t saying that in a good way (you can catch up here on why 2018 will not be the year we have a baby).
When we first moved into our house in June we had a fully furnished bedroom, a small couch in the living room, a small table in the dining room and lots and lots of boxes. It was so empty inside our house that it would echo when we talked and it felt like we were going to live in a big empty house forever. Even when we got a little more furniture it felt like our bedroom was the only room in the house that was “done” but now in less than a year we have completed the dining room, living room, kitchen, upstairs bonus room and we’re about to have the guest room finished and Shaun’s office on the way – this leaves only my office for 2018 and then of course there’s the room we’ll leave empty until 2 become 3. We’re looking to have the common areas painted in the first quarter and paint my office, and possibly the guest room ourselves. What felt like a big empty intimidating space in June has turned into feeling like home.
At work life got turned upside down in September but it’s tamed down as the year comes to an end and looks to be smoother sailing in 2018. With the storm passed I can focus on getting back into a routine and building good habits in 2018.
Now, you might think that I’m giving these examples to lead up to my word of 2018 in being normalcy or routine but it’s not, I’ve decided that my word of 2018 will be . . .
What stressed me out about moving into an empty house or starting a new job one month before my wedding, or facing changes at work wasn’t the actual change – it was my own negativity and lack of faith.
Take our dining room for example, the table I really wanted cost $2k and seats 10, chairs are $250 each- add tax and that’s $5K for a dining room table – yikes! And between the down payment, the new mortgage, all the odds and ends it turns out houses need, and eight rooms to furnish the reality is we just didn’t have $5K to drop on a formal, nice to look at 360 days a year and actually use on holidays furniture set and that really made me sad. I have a terrible habit of getting tunnel vision of only seeing one way to do things so it was $5K on a dining set or sad little four seat-er looking pathetic in a room much bigger forever; I had a lack of faith that we would find another way. Now please don’t ask me how I got this idea into my head because if I could figure out how I was able to latch onto this so easily I could solve all my woes but after a few months I got the idea that I would buy an old table and make it new again. Now, keep in mind I am not handy – at all and I have never refinished a piece of furniture in my life but wouldn’t you know it two days before Thanksgiving we were moving in our big table just in time for our first Thanksgiving in our home.
On a deeper level I’ve spent the end of 2017 disappointed as I’ve realized that 2018 will not be the year I got pregnant like I had thought it would be and this has caused me SO MUCH STRESS, But you know what, for years I have always said that if I can’t get pregnant naturally than I will accept it with grace and hear God’s calling towards another path, such as adoption. And while affording the fat adoption fees feels impossible at first I reminded myself how not only have we cut our frivolous spending over $1,500 a month over the past year but we have grown our income as well and if we really put our minds to it we could save up for the cost in a year. Reminding myself to let go and have faith that there is a plan for us even if I don’t know what that plan is has been freeing and relaxing . . . and wouldn’t you know it but suddenly my body started to act normal again.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching this past month and realize that faith is what’s missing most in my life. Faith in myself, faith in my husband and our ability to solve problems as a team, and yes faith in God. I’ve always been one to say “God helps those who help themselves” and while I do very much believe that I also think sometimes you do in fact have to stop controlling everything. There’s many things that are good about us Type A folks – we get things done, we’re organized, we detail oriented but sometimes it’s too much, sometimes we need to just let go and have faith.
So for 2018 I don’t have any resolutions but I do plan on having a lot of faith. I will have faith that there is a plan for my life and I don’t need to control every little aspect of it, I will have faith that there is always a plan B and I will have faith that where I am now is exactly where I am supposed to be.