Last week I had the best of intentions of staying active on social media – I was going to post everyday and make all sort of sweet and supportive comments on other peoples pictures and be inspired and inspired others. Instead I wound up facing terrible wifi and screaming at my phone until an unrelated incident made me too sick to care. And while I could have done without the getting sick part and I’m being punished by the instagram algorithm gods this week with super low visibility on my posts but I can’t help but feel like for me as a person a week to disconnect was just what I needed and it ended too soon.
I don’t feel like I need ongoing treatment or therapy but from time to time I fall into a funk and lately that’s where I’ve been – hanging out in a pit of not enough-ness. As a plus size woman society is always going to tell me I’m not pretty enough , thin enough, or healthy enough and for the most part that really doesn’t bother me because I feel like my life as a whole is complete enough and my medical records indicate I am in-fact healthy. But lately it’s the other enough that have been bothering me on top of the usual not enough ness – not smart enough , not rich enough, not ambitious enough, not fun enough , not enough awesome life experiences and not enough stuff that looks cool. But lately I’ve noticed I’m not the only one tired, not the only one frustrated and not the only one who sometimes just doesn’t feel like enough.
But, at some point last week I had a realization – I’m spending too much time and energy comparing myself to others and let what they have tell me that what I have isn’t enough even when there’s things that I have that they don’t. Take last week for example – I missed out on Memphis Fashion Week and I hated that but come on, I missed out because I was on a freaking Caribbean cruise so what a silly thing to be sad about. Life is full of opportunity costs and while there’s always going to be that one person that seems like they have it all most people don’t. Most women don’t have the amazing career and are super moms (and ps the ones who do both are exhausted and guilty all the time) and it’s ok to just pick one. I learned last week that while I like vacations and traveling occasionally I like coming home and sleeping in my own bed a little bit more – maybe you like to travel and you want to or get to go to all these cool locations and for you that’s awesome but it doesn’t make me going home and crawling into my bed by 9pm lame and likewise the fact that I get to go home and sleep next to my husband and snuggle my dogs each night doesn’t make you sleeping in a hotel bed alone lonely – it means we’re both in the place where we are meant to be.
Lately I feel like I’ve been looking at other people and if their life isn’t like mine either being jealous or disapproving; and then I feel super guilty for those feelings because I know both are wrong. So in case like me you need to hear this here’s the deal: someone else’s journey has nothing to do with yours. You can be happy for someone else and how they are living their live without a. taking away happiness on your own life b. wanting to live the life they are living or c. wanting that life but not being there yet in your journey. Your journey has just as much value and importance as anyone elses.
Living your best life isn’t just yoga on an exotic beach, or high couture fashion living your best life is the life you are living right now at this very moment.
